Regrets

The other day, a good friend of mine asked how I was doing with my recent major life transition—that is, going from the world of doctoring to being a stay-at-home mom.  She wasn’t alone in asking that question, because since making that decision, I’ve been asked quite frequently, in some form or other, if I’m happy with my decision, or if I have any regrets.  Truth be told, I question what I did daily.

These thoughts often come about after I’ve spent the last hour doing something seemingly mindless, like singing kiddie songs and doing the actions like a crazy woman while Micah just stares and laughs, or something even more simple like cleaning the toilet.  Sometimes the question(s) I ask myself are “Is this what I’ll be spending my days doing now?,” or “Am I living up to my potential?”, or simply “What the heck am I doing?!?”  We’re often told by society that, as women, the ideal is to be able to do it all: have the perfect career while effortlessly managing a home life and raising kids.  Did I fail because I didn’t do it all?  Is a mom all I was meant to be?

Whenever doubts like these enter my mind, I’m always reminded of what Micah’s life might’ve been like if I hadn’t made the decision to stay home. He’d probably be sitting at some day care until 6 PM every day (doing who knows what), being watched by someone who wasn’t personally invested in him, and seeing his mom basically one day out of every week.  Moreover, I think of all the awesome memories we’ve made already in just his first 6 months of life—memories that would’ve been impossible to make had I been at work.  Even more than these things though, whenever questions arise, I remember that I’m exactly where I need to be because God said so.

Memories we’ve made since making my decision to say home: visiting a nature conservatory in FL.
Memories we’ve made since making my decision to say home: witnessing the end result after feeding Micah blueberries.

 

 

Memories we’ve made since making my decision to say home: watching these two fall more in love every day.

Remember that house we renovated during my pregnancy and labor?  Well, we ended up selling it after the renter at our other property bailed, and we were unable to cover two mortgages.  I often wonder what the point was of making that investment if we weren’t able to turn the profit we had hoped for. The answer? The true investment was in our son.  Sure, if I was working, we might have been able to cover both mortgages until we found another renter.  However, if I was working, I wouldn’t be able to be the mom I want to be to him.  I wouldn’t have been there to feed him his first foods, I wouldn’t be able to see his smiling face every morning, I wouldn’t get to so frequently enjoy his wet, slobbery kisses, and so much more. So, do I question my decision? Sometimes, yes. Do I regret it? Not one bit.

 

Wondering why I made the decision to say home in the first place?  Find out here.

Ever had any regrets or doubts about a decision you’ve made? Comment below, I’d love to hear about it!

6 thoughts on “Regrets

  1. It’s the most amazing decision you could ever make. Don’t let your feelings or anyone tell you otherwise. I don’t think anyone could pay me enough to leave my boys. So many women wish they had that opportunity and have the same desire and are not able to or choose not to for whatever reason.

    You are so right about cleaning, cooking, and being an overly large child to your kid can seem like your wasting away at times but it’s all worth it and Micah will love you for it. Here’s a tip I do lots of play dates with my boys so I can get in some adult conversation with other moms. It really helps!

  2. Awww!! I did the same thing , sometimes I used to question myself why I did it but watching my kiddos grow and being able to nurse them gives me joy !! You did the best thing ever , remember they are kids once but your job will be there , you can always go back after they are grown but they will never go back and be kids !! Enjoy them as much as you can and all praises and glory to God who as given you that opportunity to do so !! All the best and blessings .

    1. Thanks so much for the reminder! It’s encouraging to hear the experiences of other moms who did the same thing 🙂

  3. Just found your blog recently and I feel so drawn to it. Thank you for writing about this. I put my career on hold too for my children. I struggle with the professional loss after training for so many years. I’m in the medical field and I constantly worry that I will never be able to return. Reading your words reminds me that faith and hope is important. The time we have with our kids is irreplaceable and a gift from God. I look forward to following your journey.

    1. As much as we may question our decision, I can say without a doubt we’re doing something truly special for our children. I wish you God’s richest blessings in your journey, and thank you for following along in mine.

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